Brai-cation

I think that i should go insane
for a vacation to my brain.
An asylum, then, would do the trick,
i hear there walls are rather thick.
I wouldn't like to Be insane,
as there is no apparent gain.
But think of all the time there'd be
to dwell on my favorite subject, me.
The time to read or write a book,
Does one need a better hook?
And so, if this trip, i do make,
it seems that i will have to fake
A symptom, then, to get a bed.
But what disorder for my head?
Attempted suicide, but a fatal mistake?
My neck has no desire to break.
If i were more of an academic
I could go for schizophrenic.
But, alas, that wouldn't do,
I would only last a day or too.
But if i perfect my evil laugh,
i could be a psychopath.
Yes that would gather their attention,
I can already taste that tax-exemption.
My credit bills would go away,
'cause i'd be in no state to pay.
But how to prove it, that's the key,
i couldn't kill anybody.
But animal dissection, or so i hear,
is a good way to prove that your brain is queer.
The only thing i didn't think,
is all that time spent with a shrink.
And what about the other clowns?
my smile is turning upside down.
A thought, i guess, that will not be,
unless i really turn funny.
Alas, a daydream you will stay,
remembered on another day.

Conversations with Yiayia

Hi-ya sweetheart!

Hi Yia. How are ya?

Oh, i'm fine... So, i guess next we'll be going to you're wedding, huh?

Oh, i don't know Yiayia. I don't think I'll be getting married anytime soon.

Well don't worry, you're young still. How old are you anyway?

24

Oh.

Tidal Control

Waves crash in a cacophony of misted anger.

Skimming forward through the mist,

The stead breaks onto the sand.

Wings crest breaking the solar glare.

Pegasus, born from the waves,

Cyclones upward in attempt to abdicate the God Apollo.

The ocean’s tides remain dependant on Apollo’s lunar antithesis.

As the days lengthen, chaos ensues.

Poseidon launches his stellar assault.

With a flash of light Apollo’s golden trumpets sound.

Tumultuous and blinding,

The stead ebbs and brakes.

The current dwindles.

Vanquished, Pegasus abates,

Diving back to the watery abyss,

The sea momentarily calm.

Edge-A-Pus Rex

Hey Grizzly.

Don't call me that Joe.

Why? That's what you are, a giant grizzly bear who shits in the woods.

I didn't shit Joe. And I'm not a giant.

Yeah, you are. But you're gentle, so it's alright Grizzly Gentle Giant.

Fuck you Joe.

Edge, come on. Come on Edge.

You can't call her that anymore.

Lauren!

Princess!

Just cause she drinks doesn't mean I can't call her Edge. You'll always be Edge to me, Edge. You're my Edge, and My Grizzly Gentle Giant.

Don't call me that Joe!

Uh oh. She's getting angry! We'd better try and tame her. Where's a goddam chair? Where's a goddam fucking chair when you need one? Fuck!

Joe, maybe you should back off.

Yeah Joe!

Ahh! The Beast stirs. Oh Great Gentle Giant, what wouldst though have me call thoust?

Princess.

I'll call you Princess, when I cum in your face.

Joe!

Jesus Joe!

Oh Pappas, my Pappas. Willst though save me from the raving Colossus? The ravage beast flapping it's tiny arms in despair?

My arms are not tiny! They're gigantic, like the rest of me.

Ah, that's cute Edge, that's really cute. It appears the beast has deformed vision, there is hope for us yet!

What are you talking about?

Ahh my Pappas, you naiveté beseeches you. The Grizzly may yet spare you.

Grizzly?

Me.

Why?

Evidently I took a shit in the woods.

She fucking shat in the woods, like a fucking animal. FUCK!

I didn't!

Ahhhhh yeah, ya did. You fucking took a shit in the woods and probably wiped your ass on the ground like a, like a fucking dinosaur.

What?!

Princess, did you shit is the woods?

No! I had to pee, so I took some tissues into the trees. It was like 2 in the morning.

Well, that's not so bad.

Don't believe her my Pappas, you've been captured by her spell. That Tyrannosaurs. They can't be trusted. Just look into those beady colossal eyes. Wait! Don't! They'll turn you to stone, probably.

Isn't that Medusa? Does she have snakes coming out of her head too?

What? No. Why would she have snakes coming out of her head? Do you see any snakes?

No, I just...

Oh Pappas, my Pappas. You're innocence is endearing.

Whatever Joe.

No, FUCK YOU Joe!

Oh Edge. What's wrong? What's up my little Edge? My little Edge-y Poo. My little Colossal Edgey-Pie. My Tyrannosaurus Edge-y. My Edge-a-pus Rex.

Light a Match (a typical conversation btwn my parents)

"Are we having church in the bathroom again tonight honey?

"Huh?"

"There was like 16 candles lit in there. I didn't know whether to Shit or Pray."